36 – holiday hesitations

Time swoops, flies, dips, smacks me in the head, darts away, drags, sprints… and all of these at once, it seems. The frame for my days is my husband’s job–that’s how I know what day it is, by knowing what day he’s on.  Of course, holidays tend to mess that up, because the day after the holidays feels like Monday, even though it’s Thursday. Until we get past New Year’s Day, I’m never going to know what day it is, or what time it is,for that matter.

I do look at the day and time on my computer. But 15 seconds later, I have to check again.

Duck... duck... goose!
Duck… duck… goose!

It’s kind of funny, actually–the only reason I knew the date, or even the time of day, when I was working, was because I was scheduled into six to eight hours of meetings every single day–overscheduling your time was nearly a badge of honor at my prior employer. Double parking in the brick and mortar world becomes double booking in the virtual world, and the ping of the appointment notices from Outlook were punctuation for my day, every day.  I used to joke that, unless I saw my funeral in my Outlook, I wouldn’t be there, as I had another meeting scheduled.

And now I find myself out here in a long unfamiliar space–one where I decide what to do and when to do it, not to satisfy a company or a supervisor’s definition of success, but my own. Bluntly, at the moment, I’m lost as a goose. Which is a stupid metaphor, by the way.  Geese are, almost by definition, not lost. They know exactly where they are, and what space they consider to be theirs, and they are quick to inform you of that if you forget. Not fond of geese so much.

So, to both fill my time and actually accomplish something, I’ve got a half-dozen projects in progress, from a quilt to building a hall tree (with Corey’s help), and this, that and some other things that need doing, and I’m making fresh bread, and otherwise keeping myself occupied.  Something is staying my hand on job hunting until after the year turns over.  Perhaps because I know that job hunting, done correctly, is a full-time proposition in and of itself. Also started discussing app development with my old business partner, and doing a little desultory research on that, as well.

Perhaps my reluctance to dive fully into anything is just that overriding sense that it’s the holidays, knowing no one else is in the mood to accomplish anything… kinda like wading through Jell-O to get myself going on anything. It’s not the galloping never-get-overs, just…hesitation.  On pause. Waiting for Godot. Or Guh-don’t. Or, perhaps, Git-over-it and it’s evil twin, Git-r-done. 🙂

Later daze, my peeples…


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